Recently I have been really fearful. A few weeks ago I moved into a new apartment for my last year of college, and was immediately hit with a wave of anxiety. I didn’t know then what it could be, because a lot of times when we get hit with anxiety we can't really tell where it is coming from. My summer of steady secretary work and family time had been replaced by a new setting and a year of lasts. I was fearful of what was to come. I had become so comfortable with my summer life that I was scared by the overwhelming change that came with moving back to school and starting my senior year. The fact is, I am someone who is fearful of change. Once I am comfortable in a situation and am happy where I am, I fear that any potential change could rock the happy little bubble I have settled myself into. My brain, induced by fear, only turns to the negative possibilities and fails to remember that change could lead to even more happiness. Fear is a struggle that is hard to overcome. It’s often even harder to deal with when you’re away from home and all you want is a hug from your mom or mammaw, and yes, even a senior in college still gets scared of new situations, and new beginnings. I’m scared of the life I’ve grown comfortable with over the past four years to end, and I’m nervous about the unknown of my future. However, yesterday while sitting in church after a great confession, I was praying, begging, God to take away the fear I’ve been feeling, to take away the unease that’s been plaguing me the past couple of weeks, and then, while staring at the alter, I was reminded that I am held in the hands of a God who will never leave me. I worship a King who has beautiful, wondrous plans for me. Plans that are meant to make me happy, make me flourish, plans that I do not need to be afraid of because I was destined for them. I pray for the courage to embrace the unknown because He is walking with me every step of the way. It’s not easy to just instantly be unafraid, but I pray constantly that this fear and anxiety will be lifted off my shoulders, and I pray for anyone reading this who is fearful that they too will feel peace. Tonight when you lay your head down remember that God is holding you in His hands, and He will never let you go.
XOXO, MC
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